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I Miss My Mother

I miss my mother

Yet she is sitting in the room with me

I miss my mother

Though I can see her face & touch her hand

I miss my mother

But she can speak to me and laugh with me

I miss my mother

And yet she is here, in body

I help her dress, help her go to the bathroom, bathe her, give her medicine and all the while I am in this suspended state of disbelief

I see her trying to understand what I am saying, see her trying to find the right words to say, and yet she is still my mother in the physical sense

Her body is here

But my mother, as she was before dementia entered our lives, is gone

There are flashes of the mother I knew, the mother I look for, long for

The one with the twinkling eyes that danced when she spoke

The one who could share a story & give advice

The one who baked & cooked like no other

The one whose dancing lit up a room the way the music lit up her face

I am grateful to still have her, and still have those rare moments, but

I miss my mother

Yet she is sitting next to me


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